New York's Achilles Heel

Yep, that's right, I have just discovered New York's Achilles Heel. And guess what it is? TRANSPORTATION!





Imagine my surprise when I get off the bus at the R/W Subway station just to find it isn't running! No explanation or anything. All I knew was it was closed. So I head over to the next station, the N, and guess what? It is down also! So I get in line to wait for the bus to take me from Queens to Manhattan. The bus just doesn't seem to be coming. I run to a store and get some cash out to grab a taxi. And wouldn't you know it that the taxis are all occupied. Seriously, it was a two hour wait at most companies for taxis. So I waited in the now very long line for the bus. When I finally got the third bus that came my way it was PACKED. And I mean people sitting on each other! I was crouched down on the floor at the very front. I'm not even kidding you. People on the streets were laughing at me. And I was laughing at me too. But I was just so happy to have made it on the bus and get myself to work. And with all the problems I was only an hour late!! My office manager came over, looked at me and went, "Oh wow! You're here! I can't believe it." And I couldn't believe it either.




But anyway this little story of my morning is just to tell you all that there are so many people in New York that the moment there are delays on any type of transportation it seems that everything just falls apart. But thank God for that nice bus driver who let me on.

My wall of protection

I was at a bar last night (no this isn't one of those stories) to support my brother. It was his first show in New York (and after the "musician" before him emptied the bar and almost made me change that whole no alcohol thing) my brother tore up the stage and made the left over attenders very happy. But something I've learned about myself, extensively; is that I am a very closed off person. That is, once I feel someone pulling away from me, lousing their interest (friend or otherwise) I completely pull my emotions back into my heart and begin erecting that wall of protection. Once this wall has begun construction it is really hard to halt, tare down, and forget the whole idea. I'm just so afraid of being rejected that I choose to pull away before I get hurt. No whether or not the other person means to "loose interest" or not, in my little world of I-know-I'm-right it doesn't matter. Once I have that in my head that this person is about to reject me, I decided to give them the cold shoulder.
So that is what I learned last night. And I don't really know to change--or know if I want to.

I Suppose

Sometimes I start to reminisce about the past. I wonder what things would have been like had I made a certain decision: went to this school, finished the year in this state, finally told that boy how much I liked him.

But every time I start to get all nostalgic I just think about the ending of one of my favorite movies, Mansfield Park, where Fanny Price is tying up all the loose ends for the characters and after each character she says, "Things could have turned out differently I suppose....but they didn't."

And I remind myself of that every time I start thinking about the "what-ifs" in life. Things could have turned out very differently for me, but I bet you I wouldn't be who I am today if that were true.

Also recommended for the "what-ifs" category, Sliding Doors. This is a fantastically amazing movie.

Wishful Dreaming

I had this dream last night where I was yelling at someone and telling them all the things about them that bugged me, all the negative things I felt towards them. This person got really angry back at me. It was one of the biggest fights I have ever had. But I was relieved to finally tell them how I felt. And when I woke up I was still relieved until I realized it was all just a dream.

From: http://www.spiritcommunity.com/

Anger - Angry

dream interpretation/meaning of dream

This may be a carry-over from your daily life. In our dreams we can experience and express such feelings safely. Feeling great anger in your dream may be disturbing but pay attention to it and attempt to deal with all of your emotions in a more appropriate and productive manner.

Even though I was really angry in how I handled my feelings in my dream, the feeling of relief that I had made it seem worth it. I'm glad that this fight didn't happen in actual life but it really got me thinking. Should people walk around this earth being completely honest with each other? And I don't mean honest like "wow you look really ugly in that," or "I hate your new hair cut," but being honest like, "What you just said really hurt my feelings," and "When you talk to me like that I fell like you are talking down to me". In my dream these things were so easy to say, granted they weren't said properly (I don't think expressing feelings of hurt need to involve anger) but I still said them. And I felt relieved. I had never woken up so relieved in my life, like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. It was really fantastic. So how do you go from being painfully understanding and not standing up for yourself to being truly honest with everyone around you? I would like to learn whatever the answer may be.

Guess What

I JUST GOT AN APARTMENT!!!!!!

PICTURES TO FOLLOW....

Why I haven't written

Last Friday was amazing. I was able to see Toni and Michael for his birthday, and meet their assorted family members. I thought everything was coming together fine in my big city life. I felt like I was succeeding.

The Truth.
While in no way am I failing, I feel like I'm not succeeding the way I planned. I came out here expecting to live the dream of being Carrie Bradshaw, whom I totally look up to as much as one can a fictional character. We are both writers, both love fashion, and both moved to the big city expecting our lives to begin. But I didn't realize how difficult it would be. Don't get me wrong, the city and I are still going VERY strong. But I am so stressed by finding my way I am losing momentum to go forward. It is such an amazing experience, even in the really desperate times, like right now, when I don't feel like I can go on, I know that I will make it through to the other side. I know that in time I will be living in the lower East Village, writing regularly, and shopping for amazing shoes. But for now. I feel like I am sinking away into failure.

Carrie once said:

“As we drive along this road called life, occasionally a gal will find herself a little lost. And when that happens, I guess she has to let go of the coulda, shoulda, woulda, buckle up and just keep going.”

And that is what I am going to do. I am going to let go of all the coulda, shoulda, wouldas, and buckle up and keep going until I can't go any further.

Three things I want to do in New York

It has been amazing exploring all that this amazing city has to offer. My favorite things to do right now are to wander around and stare up at the 10+ story buildings. The architecture here is amazing. I love how old colonial all the buildings are. The way you will see a whole block of apartments together and each two window sections have completely different styles. It is so beautiful. Then, when you look carefully you will see a top floor garden on an inconspicuous floor, that is truly conspicuous if you are paying attention. I love it.

But there is so much more I want to do, to see, to explore here.

These are the top three things I hope to do:

1. HBO Movie in the Park:

On Mondays during the summer you can go to Bryant Park, bring a picnic and sit on a blanket watching classic black and white movies. While I haven't had a Monday to experience this yet, Casablanca is playing in September, and even if I have to go alone, it is worth it.

2. Watching the Ball drop in Times Square.

I know that this is such a tourist thing to do, but I have to experience it just once. I'm not a big New Years celebrator, but when my Gina gets here this is something we have to do. I know it will be crowed beyond belief, but it will be well worth it.

3. The Tribeca Film Festival:

This is an Indie film lovers dream come true! Thank you Robert De Niro!! Hopefully I can get in to some real gems this 2008 season.

Friday the 13th

You know, for the longest time Friday the 13th has been considered a very unlucky day.

In an article by About.com's David Emery, he explained some culture's disdain for the number 13:

It is said: If 13 people sit down to dinner together, all will die within the year. The Turks so disliked the number 13 that it was practically expunged from their vocabulary (Brewer, 1894). Many cities do not have a 13th Street or a 13th Avenue. Many buildings don't have a 13th floor. If you have 13 letters in your name, you will have the devil's luck (Jack the Ripper, Charles Manson, Jeffrey Dahmer, Theodore Bundy and Albert De Salvo all have 13 letters in their names).

Continued on in his article, Ebory quotes an old tale:

One hundred years ago, the British government sought to quell once and for all the widespread superstition among seamen that setting sail on Fridays was unlucky. A special ship was commissioned, named "H.M.S. Friday." They laid her keel on a Friday, launched her on a Friday, selected her crew on a Friday and hired a man named Jim Friday to be her captain. To top it off, H.M.S. Friday embarked on her maiden voyage on a Friday, and was never seen or heard from again.

And one story that resonates around the world is the tale of the Knights Templar, recounted by Katherine Kurtz from Tales of the Knights Templar

"On October 13, 1307, a day so infamous that Friday the 13th would become a synonym for ill fortune, officers of King Philip IV of France carried out mass arrests in a well-coordinated dawn raid that left several thousand Templars — knights, sergeants, priests, and serving brethren — in chains, charged with heresy, blasphemy, various obscenities, and homosexual practices. None of these charges was ever proven, even in France — and the Order was found innocent elsewhere — but in the seven years following the arrests, hundreds of Templars suffered excruciating tortures intended to force 'confessions,' and more than a hundred died under torture or were executed by burning at the stake."

So what about all the other "bad days" that have happened in the world's history?

The atomic bombs hit Japan on August 9th, a Thursday.
And 9/11 happened on a Tuesday.
The Titanic sunk on April 14th, a Sunday.
And Martin Luther King Jr was shot April 4th, a Thursday.

So I guess what I'm saying is that a day can only be unlucky if you make it unlucky. I on the other hand choose to break free of the stigma of the unlucky Friday and the unlucky number 13 and say "Hello world! I am not going to let 13 get me down!"
And just in case I am wearing my horseshoe necklace...and a green shirt (you know the luck of the Irish thing....).

I have fallen in love for the first time....and probably the last.

It seems as though I am in a very committed relationship. Most of you who know me know that I am not one to easily, or in this case quickly, commit to any sort of serious long term relationship. But, as love has a way of appearing when you least expect it, I have fallen madly deeply in love with the City of New York.

"Impossible!" You are probably thinking. Well, I am here to tell you it is possible to find true love! And I have found my true love.

From the busy streets where people are as diverse as their clothes; to the muggy, dusty, smelly, subway stations transporting people to their desired location; to the musicians filling every nook and cranny available to showcase their talents; to the myriad of things to do at any given moment; I am in love with this city.

I can't wait to experience the most romantic season here in New York, winter. I believe then I will officially be engaged to the city of my dreams. But for now we are going steady. I think it is almost time for the city to meet my parents!

I Stand Corrected.

I found out today at CNN.com that my post from yesterday was written under false pretenses. It has to be said that I was wrong about that whole women-talk-way-more-than-men thing. But if you lived one week in my life right now, you would totally understand my post.





From CNN.com:
Another stereotype -- chatty gals and taciturn guys -- bites the dust.
Turns out, when you actually count the words, there isn't much difference between the sexes when it comes to talking.
A team led by Matthias R. Mehl, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Arizona, came up with the finding, which is published in Friday's issue of the journal Science.
The researchers placed microphones on 396 college students for periods ranging from two to 10 days, sampled their conversations and calculated how many words they used in the course of a day.
The score: Women, 16,215. Men, 15,669.
The difference: 546 words: "Not statistically significant," say the researchers.
"What's a 500-word difference, compared with the 45,000-word difference between the most and the least talkative persons" in the study, said Mehl. He said the least talkative person in the study -- a male -- used just over 500 words a day, while another male topped that by more than 45,000.

From my Perspective

Why I don’t think men want to get married.
1. Because then they have to share their space with another person, or worse they have to move into someone else’s place making them the “outsider.”
2. Because women talk more then men. And sometimes when a man spends his whole day at work talking or listening to people talk all he wants to do when he gets home is be quiet. But all she wants to do is…talk.
3. Because one thing about women is not only do they like to talk, they like to talk on the phone. And when they make phone call after phone call and all the man wants to do is sleep, that voice can start causing a rift.
4. Because no one likes to hear about money. And like I said above, women like to talk. A lot. 5. Because sometimes you just want to walk into your place, throw your stuff on the floor and sit in front of the TV without speaking a word.
6. And, come on, man or woman, sometimes you just don’t want to clean up after someone else for the rest of your life.

Finding Some Alone Time in New York

What a "subway" coaster of a week it has been. I can't explain all the emotions I have gone through, all the emotions I am continuing to feel. Sometimes I feel regret for the comfort of my "former life". Sometimes I feel like I am still a child trying on my mothers dresses and high heels, but I'm not quite ready to go out and grow up. Other times I feel like I'm right where I need to be. I feel like I am an adult. I feel like I am on the right path.

It has been such a confusing time in my life. I have never felt like so many different emotions. And I'm not talking about feeling different daily, I am talking about feeling different every other hour.

I have met some amazing people here so far. I have been wandering around the city meeting people who I know I will only be in their life for a moment. I have also met some people who I will be in their life longer. But in each moment I meet a new person I feel like I am a little closer to who I am about to become.


I sat in Cafe Lalo the other day. I felt a little silly writing post cards and sipping an iced latte, munching on Rocky Road mud pie. I was sitting alone, next to the street, watching people pass by, listening to the young girls chatting indifferently to each other, watching the servers stand around waiting for something to happen. And I realized that I was like those servers. I was standing around waiting for life to begin. But I finally realized I was tired of waiting and I made life begin.

I think about all the people who I love who I left back home. My sister, my best friend, "the boy," my mentor. Sometimes I feel guilty that I left these people. I almost want to get on the next plane home and give up. I want back that comfort of knowing where I was, who I was, every little detail. But I can't do that. I can't because during all my alone time I have realized that I am finally ready to begin my adulthood. I am doing something for me.

Well enough of those "I" statements. I just had to get that out there. So thanks for reading.

I HEART NEW YORK

I love love love it here. I am having a blast and I will update very soon with amazing stories and great pictures. Ohhhh I can't wait! But my net is really bad. So just keep on holding out I will have it soon.

How I'm feeling sung by Fergie

This song kind of sums up how I feel about certian situations in my life right now.

Why I'm excited to leave SoCal

Since I moved to California I feel like my life has been a let down. Now please don't take this blog as a self-deprecating post I just want you to understand why I am so excited to leave.

When I lived in Virginia I had a 3.5 GPA in college full time, working full time, and the children's pastor at my church. When I moved here my GPA went down to a 2.49. I had to petition to get my scholarships back. After my first year in Cali at Life Pacific College I knew that I needed to leave. I knew getting away from that school would only help things.

I went from a private four year college to community college with absolutely no idea what to do next. I was living in a church alone, I had a new job, and I felt like my life was at a stand still. The next year I was fortunate enough to meet Professor Brantingham who will always hold a place in my life as someone who helped and guided me into a new passion: creative writing. Without him I don't think I would be writing today. From there came the newspaper and Toni and Gina who I know my life wouldn't be whole without. But during these two years I went through an awful breakup, my best friend stopped talking to me when I needed her the most, and I felt like I was a burden on everyone around me. Needing rides, not being able to take care of myself, I felt like I was a child all over again. I felt like nothing I did was right, like I was constantly letting everyone around me down. Like I was a disappointment, which I still feel like today. I can only hope that by moving my world to the other side of the country, by living away from my parents, by truly being responsible for my life, that by all these things I will finally make someone proud and that I will no longer be such a burden, such a disappointment.

So, don't let the happy carefree exterior fool you. It has been a tough path, though I have learned a lot, I've had to work really hard to keep my head above the waters.

Root canals suck.

Sorry for the absence. I had a root canal. Let me tell you, not a fun experience. You are not just lying in a dentist chair for an hour an a half, mouth open wide, but they put your chair up and down, take ex rays, stuff sticks in your mouth, and are continuously refilling your nerves with more Novocaine. Give me a monotonous three hour lecture on the origin of mold over another minute in that chair.

Anyway. That is all for now. There is so much news going on that I will probably post tomorrow.

Above and Beyond

For those of you that don't know my brother and I are moving to New York to start a church called Avaunt Guard. Something I have experienced and have heard from many of my peers is the hypocrisy in the Christian church. I have been in church most my life. I am a firm believer in Christ as my savior, the divinity of the Bible, and the Holy Trinity. But when it comes to the church I see so much negative. The purpose to start a church is not because I believe I am 'holier than thou' it is because I believe God has called me, and everyone, to follow the commandments love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind, love your neighbor as yourself. I believe God has called me to do this by way of starting a church with my dear friend, Beth Anna, my baby brother and a few more people. I hope that I can show people what God meant to show the world by sending Jesus, Jesus dying for our sins, and the apostles beginning the Christian church.

Anyway, all that said was to give you a clue as to what I am doing picking up my life, leaving the comfort of my family behind, and taking a blind leap to what I hope is the other side. Without my mother I couldn't do this. She has been my rock through my entire life. She has given me encouragement, wisdom, and this weekend a wardrobe of formal work attire. I know it sounds silly, but without these clothes I wouldn't have the proper attire to get a job that will allow me to achieve what I believe God has called me to do. My mother has gone above and beyond. I don't deserve her.

Whose View?

I was just watching the verbal brawl between Rosie and Elisabeth from The View. I was disturbed by how angry these women got with each other. Though they do have very different opinions. Politics is almost a topic that can't be discussed these days. Either you are Republican or Democrat and that means you are right or wrong, good or bad. There is no middle ground. It is like if you don't share political beliefs with someone you are the enemy.

I understand that politics are a touchy subject but I don't ever think that demeaning someone based on their political preference is ever an OK thing.





Watch the video for yourself and tell me what you think.





http://abc.go.com/fsp/index.html?channel=TheView&clip=125691

V Mars Update!!!

Alright everyone here is the info on the uncertainty of my favorite show. I just watched what is presumed to be the final episode of V Mars today. Though many questions were put in a box, wrapped in pretty, festive paper, and had a shiny bow placed on it many questions still remain:

1. Will Keith Mars make it as the sheriff despite Veronica's bad behavior?

2. Will they revive Jake Kane and or Duncan Kane if there is a renewal for Veronica?

3. Hello...Logan or Piz? There is absolutely no definite answer to this.

4. IF the CW does choose to keep V Mars and they flash forward like they are with One Tree Hill, will our favorite characters we have grown fond of over the past three years be included in the four-year jump?

and many more.

Here is what TV.com is reporting:

It's been an up and down the past few weeks for Veronica Mars fans. The future of the cult show looked grim but was momentarily turned around after network execs reportedly responded positively to new a direction for the next season. Then, word spread that the CW had picked up three dramas, making a renewal for the detective show unlikely.
Today, the CW released its schedule for the fall season, and--brace yourselves--Veronica Mars was not on it.

Kristen Bell fans shouldn't storm the CW's corporate office yet. Though Veronica Mars isn't on the schedule, The Hollywood Reporter says a final decision on the show may not happen until next month.

From the Hollywood Reporter:

At a news conference after the presentation, Ostroff confirmed that "Veronica Mars" has solved her last case in her current incarnation but that no final decision has been made on a proposed new version of the series by creator Rob Thomas in which the title character, played by Kristen Bell, is at the FBI Academy.

So I guess there is no definite answer as of yet. That means a whole month of hope that the CW executives will choose to do what is right.

The Good, The Bad and The Unbelievable

DISCLAIMER: Alright, what I am about to post is by no means a true representation of my self. I am a serious, educated women and I am entitled to be a little girly and silly sometimes. So here goes.

The Good

Brothers and Sisters

I just love this show. It has been so amazing to watch a family I can relate with that are so close with each other and yet completely neurotic. It reminds me of how slightly off my family is...

We have one episode left until the season finale. With all of the unanswered questions about Rebecca's secret past in Chicago, Justin leaving for Iraq in a few weeks, and the marriage issues between Joe and Sarah, it is hard to believe what will happen in the season finale.

The BAD

Grey's Anatomy

I can NOT believe what happened on this episode. I just have three quick things to say about it--in the following pictures:

Um, hello...calling all cheating husbands...I realize Izzie and George and best friends, but how on earth can they continue to keep up their adulterous lives? And now that he failed his exam what will happen next? Would they really get rid of T.R. Knight?

What is it with interns and getting involved with their patients...though I wouldn't mind getting involved with this doctor...but still.

Alright. Probably one of the worst things next to Izzie lying in bed with dead Denny is that Burke and Christina DIDN'T get married. Not only didn't they get married, but Burke disappeared. I know! I can't believe it. And then Christina and Meridith in the living room, Christina crying in her arms still in her wedding dress that had to be cut off her. You have to see it to understand.

The Unbelievable

Veronica Mars

How on earth could this happen. V Mars is no longer. You have to go out and watch any clips of this that you can. This is one of the best shows. Even better than Dawson's Creek...and I mean that.

So now you know.

Amazingness

I just held Lucas, my sister's baby. It was amazing. She said that he never looks at someone for so long. He was fighting his heavy eye lids to stay awake and stare at me. I have never felt something so amazing as holding a tiny baby like him. He is 5lbs 6oz (he was born two months premature) and he is now a month old. I can't believe how amazing it was.

What a great experience.

Seeing it in bright lights

I saw Spiderman 3 this weekend. It was pretty amazing. I mean where else can you get action, drama, comic book heroes, love stories, and comedy all in one?

Besides, seeing Mary Jane up on stage, her dream, was a relief. It reminds me to reach for the stars and that how you rise above failure will determine your success.

AND! The powerful point of this movie was all about what hatred and bitterness can do to a person. Peter was so miserable when he was full of hate. But as soon as he decided to put that behind him and was able to forgive he was able to be freed from the misery that bitterness brought him. The contrast was amazing.

Anticipation

Anticipation. It's like the way your tongue starts watering right before you are about to enjoy something really sweet or sour.

Like the way my lips start to pucker right before I take the first bite of an amazing caramel apple. Even thinking about eating an apple makes my mouth water...


That is how I feel about moving.

But I'm still scared to do it. That is because I will finally be an adult.

Enjoy your own taste bud extravaganza:

http://www.rmcf.com/cp/shop/apples_fudge/apples.asp?

My First Blog

I'm about a month and a half away from beginning the rest of my life. Although I do have about 22 years under my belt. For the first time I am choosing where to begin my life. I am moving to New York city! I feel like the little country girl from Iowa stepping into the city for the first time. You know, the little blondie country girl with a straw hat and says "y'all" all the time and asks for a pop (soda, coke, etc.). But I'm not a country girl, though I have lived in a lot of small cities, I'm not afraid to be in a new culture. Part of having a father in the army is the ability to be able to adapt quickly. But seriously, I'm scared silly. But don't tell anyone. I don't want to get the word out that I'm not as easy going with all these changes as I seem.



Wow. I am still in denial of all these amazing changes about to happen. I'll keep you posted. June 18 will probably come sooner than anticipated.