How I'm feeling sung by Fergie

This song kind of sums up how I feel about certian situations in my life right now.

Why I'm excited to leave SoCal

Since I moved to California I feel like my life has been a let down. Now please don't take this blog as a self-deprecating post I just want you to understand why I am so excited to leave.

When I lived in Virginia I had a 3.5 GPA in college full time, working full time, and the children's pastor at my church. When I moved here my GPA went down to a 2.49. I had to petition to get my scholarships back. After my first year in Cali at Life Pacific College I knew that I needed to leave. I knew getting away from that school would only help things.

I went from a private four year college to community college with absolutely no idea what to do next. I was living in a church alone, I had a new job, and I felt like my life was at a stand still. The next year I was fortunate enough to meet Professor Brantingham who will always hold a place in my life as someone who helped and guided me into a new passion: creative writing. Without him I don't think I would be writing today. From there came the newspaper and Toni and Gina who I know my life wouldn't be whole without. But during these two years I went through an awful breakup, my best friend stopped talking to me when I needed her the most, and I felt like I was a burden on everyone around me. Needing rides, not being able to take care of myself, I felt like I was a child all over again. I felt like nothing I did was right, like I was constantly letting everyone around me down. Like I was a disappointment, which I still feel like today. I can only hope that by moving my world to the other side of the country, by living away from my parents, by truly being responsible for my life, that by all these things I will finally make someone proud and that I will no longer be such a burden, such a disappointment.

So, don't let the happy carefree exterior fool you. It has been a tough path, though I have learned a lot, I've had to work really hard to keep my head above the waters.